we all want better things for ourselves and indulge in that feeling once in a while. being materialistic isnt new, but its a different story when we start to measure one another based on what they do for another. sure, getting a lot of birthday presents makes you feel special because it shows how much your friends care for you. but if you dont get what you want for your birthday then so what. as friends, we expect a bit more from each other. but shouldnt we also be understanding if our friends dont match up to our expectations? isnt that whats supposed to be more important?

being called materialistic hurts. but being called cheap hurts just as much. im sorry if i dont hang out as much as you think i should. back in junior high, i didnt go out a lot because my parents didnt let me and i was ok with that. but i started to rebel against that so i could hang out with my friends more. they used to yell at me because i spent so much money on gifts for birthdays when i didnt get as many birthday presents in return. but that didnt matter because i would rather buy things for my friends and see them happy then get myself something. my parents said i valued my friends more than my family. and then thats when it hit me that that might be true. so i cut back on my hang outs and stayed at home more to help my parents around the house and do chores. sure, staying at home can be boring, but if it makes my parents feel better than who cares. i hate feeling like a bad daughter so i tried to fix that. my parents work hard to support me and brother. my brother hasnt worked a day in his life and he spends his money like nothing, money that my parents give in. and they keep giving him money because they dont want him hanging out dry in college. but i try to keep my spending to a minimum because i feel bad to keep asking my parents for money. i got my first job this summer at chuckwagon and it was tiring as hell. i know how my mom feels like working so many hours and standing on her feet for so long. my parents have worked so hard to get us this far and im willing to do anything to make it easier on them. im going to work at burger king over the break because college is expensive shit. yes, it's embarrassing to work at a fast food place, but so what? if i can earn some money over the break and put it away for college, then its all worth it because that means my parents can worry a bit less. i was so worried about going to UCLA because my parents would have to pay for thousands of dollars each quarter to support me and brother. when i found out that my financial aid covered my tuition, the look on my mother's face broke my heart because she was so happy and relieved. then it got even better because i got $1800 back from financial aid which meant it covered the apartment's rent too. but thats about to change with the fee hikes. im worried for next school year because i wont be as lucky anymore. i know my parents are going to worry to, but they wont let it show and continue to work just as hard in order to support my education. education is important to them because my dad dropped out of middle school and my mom never got the chance to go to college. so they started a college savings when my brother and i were kids. theyve been saving up for this, and i'll work my butt off in school so their efforts wont go to waste.

i try my best to prioritize family, school, and friends. i may not hang out as much with my friends, but it doesnt mean i dont put in the effort for them. we're all different. as friends, we shouldnt expect each other to change to meet our own ideas of what a good friend should be and just accept each other for who we are. we each have reasons why we are who we are right now. we dont know everyones story, so dont jump to conclusions and make your own assumptions. words hurt and they will linger even after we forgive.